08: What are your worst habits?

There are so many of them, but I'll try to narrow it down to about five.
Here goes.

1. I swear like a fucking sailor.
    See? It doesn't matter my mood. If I'm happy, I swear. If I'm sad, I swear. If I'm annoyed, I swear. Even when I'm silent, I'm thinking "Shut the motherfucking hell the fuck up" at everyone who tries to talk to me.

2. I read in the bathroom.
    It's one bathroom that serves me and my parents. And I hardly ever read and stop. So all those 800-page novels are going to be finished while I'm on the toilet. If my parents can't take it (which they can't)..... c'est la vie.

3. I'm OCD sometimes.
    If I pack something up, and it decides to mess itself back up just to fuck with me, I start hyperventilating and feeling like I'm going to go crazy.

4. I torture pests.
    If I'm outside and find a slug in the garden, I trap it on a piece of newspaper and surround it by salt so it can't move. Then I stab it repeatedly with a pin and imagine it begging for mercy. Then I sprinkle a very thin layer of salt on it so it melts slowly.
   I remind you now that I wanted to be a serial killer at one point. The potential is there.

5. My eating habits aren't habits at all.
    When I decide to eat, I eat junk food. And most of the time I decide not to eat at all. For the record, I'm 5'2"  and 106 pounds. I can see my ribs when I look in the mirror.
    Iceburg told me once that I'm probably anorexic, but I disagreed because I don't make myself throw up. I just pig out like once a week and then make up for it by not eating for about two weeks. I'm about to Google that.

6. My sleeping habits aren't habits at all either.
    I don't know if that's Excelsior's legacy to me or what, but I rarely ever go to sleep before 2 am. Bear in mind that I have to wake at about 6. So there are these permanent bags under my eyes. To the point where a former friend of mine nicknamed me "purple panda" and a friend of mine (introducing one of the Four, JL) was like "You know the veins on your eyelids are really defined, right?"
   But cho. Sleep is for the weak. Until sleep box my bomboclaat and then I just want to sleep for a week.


Those weren't really in order. if you want them in order, they're like this (to me):
6,5,1,2,3,4.

Challenge complete.
Toodles.

@Jaye_Eccentriq

EDIT: I couldn't seem to find what my particular brand of eating disorder is, if it's even classified as one....but apparently it's a sign of depression. Whoops...

A bit of disgustingness in the day here

So it's November. The month wherein I celebrate the anniversary of the day I emerged triumphantly from my mother's genitalia like "Bitch I did it!"

Yay, and all that.
Fanfare, excitement, whoop-de-doo.

That's not what I'm here for, though.
It's actually the first week of November, and I'm on my period.

OH.
MY.
GODS.

Yay in the sense that, in 5 or 6 years I've never had my period on my birthday. Praise God for small blessings like not having to writhe in pain and break out in cold sweat on November 11. There's that much.

But does it have to hurt so fucking much??? 
Bruh!

[Oh. This is the 'bit of disgusting talk'. If you's the squeamish type, leave.]

Disclaimer out of the way. Back to business.

So I started this cycle on Sunday. And I've noticed: every single day 1 of my periods are ALWAYS eventful. What am I talking about, you say? Read on and find out. (Unless the disclaimer refers to you, in which case, anything you get, you take.)

1. I was at my grandma's house for the weekend, which is an event in and of itself because I almost never leave my house. Even though I hate being at home, especially when I'm not alone at home.

2. Iceburg (remember him?) messaged me.....no...lie.... I messaged him. And he, like, answered. I tell you, I nearly fainted when he responded. And then we had, like, a meaningful conversation about us over the course of 2 days.
       Yes, he's my boyfriend, and yes, we have been together for almost 13 months now. But it's still an "event". Why? It hasn't happened before. [Me + him = Blog Challenge 02....that I'm avoiding for as long as I can.]

3. Fucked-up mood the Sunday night. As he put it: "This [w]hole distance/mood thing...." Yup. Now, the event in this, is that I was taken by surprise.
      Fact #31: I hate surprises. 

So yeah. There was all that to contend with, and then my period decided to come and start. From about 4:30.

Inna di rass mawnin'. 

Thank you, Iceburg, for sending me a 32-second voice note at 10 Saturday night that had me overthinking until I couldn't take it anymore and decided to get up at 4:30 am on Sunday.

I got out of bed without waking my mother (event #4 here as she's an extremely light sleeper and we were on the same bed), took my phone to the bathroom to listen to said voice note and decided, "Well, lemme just pee at the same time."

Lo and behold.
Blood on them drawers.
Now right there I was like (in my head of course, my whole family is Christian), "BLOODCLAAA--" and then I realized that that was insensitive as fuck.
  (Haha, get it? No? OK.)

  So thanks, BR. You's my nigga. [No, really. You is.] Wasn't for you, I'd have been sleeping. And then there'd have been blood on them white sheets, and lemme just say ewwwwwwwwww.

Yeah.
Would you call me Captain Obvious if I said I hate my periods?
I do, though.

I hate that little rush I feel when I've been sitting or lying down for a while and then suddenly stand up. That's some serious psychological torture right there, especially when it catches me unprepared. In class.

I hate that I have cramps. In fact, there is a post on my other blog entitled Cramps and Questions dedicated to this. [Yes, that was a link to it.]

I hate when the flow is too heavy that I get messed up. Blood is a bit difficult to remove from things. Just so you know.

I hate that when my mother sees me curled up in the fetal position, in a cold sweat, nearly bawling, all she says is "Hush. You nah dead." Woman. I KNOW. But it still fucking hurts.

I hate that my periods are 6 days long, and the first 3 days are dedicated solely to making me curse the days when I was 10 and used to say "Oh, I can't wait to have my period!" like some damn fool.

I hate that I have to have periods, period.
 Very nicely done, that one. :)

I'd like to just share with you that my Biology teacher (big up Mrs b, I lub ya) once told me that menstrual cramps are essentially heavily watered-down labor pains.

I'm getting a hysterectomy as soon as I can afford it.

@Jaye_Eccentriq

07: Write 30 interesting facts about yourself

Disclaimer: I did say I probably might not do this in order. So if you're catching feelings because you were looking forward to hearing about my relationship status and how I feel about it....tough shit. You just gotta wait some more.

30 interesting facts about myself, they said.
I can give you 30 facts about myself. I'm not so sure about the "interesting" part.
Here goes.

Aaaaaand I just caught myself with my head in my hands. I really do suck and talking about myself. Let's try again.

1. One of the items on my bucket list is to lather my whole body in butter, wrap myself in cling wrap, and slither around on the floor pretending to be a slug.

2. I'm a perfectionist. If I get over being a lazy-ass procrastinator and actually decide to do shit, it will be done well. Which is why more while I don't do shit, cuz it's gonna require energy expenditure...and I don't have much energy to expend anyway.

3. I like the idea of upside-down. So I eat bread from the ugly bottom part up to the crust, sleep upside-down on my bed, and slide out of bed onto my head and then flip over onto my stomach on the floor.

4. I'm actually really quiet, but on a great day you'll hear me before you see me.

5. If books could talk, I'd never even try to make any more human friends, and I'd never maintain the friendships I do have.

6. I'm kind of a misogynist, which is why I have mostly male friends (hey Excelsior, hey Jav). Except when it's period time (like now) when I say "Fuck men, all they gotta worry about is boners and we women gotta writhe in pain on a monthly basis!"

7. But I'm also kind of a feminist, meaning that I don't believe women should have to rely on men. Hashtag self-sufficiency, bitch.
[Funnily enough, my backup plan in case I fuck up academically is to find a rich man to marry. Hypocrite much?]

8. You know how some people think in sound, and others in pictures? I think in terms of both. So my thoughts have faces and sounds. [Except when my mother is nagging me and there's just the big ole dutty SHUT THE FUCK UP in my head. No disrespect if you ever see this, Mother.]

9. I've always wondered what blind people see. Like, do they see all white or all black? I'd ask one, but I don't know any, and it might come off as being insensitive.

10. I'm really straightforward. So if I don't like you, I'll let you know, not by actions, but by "Ayo I don't like you." [Quick anecdote: when I was in 5th form, there was a girl whose seat I sat in for Spanish class. We hated each other's guts. I knew she knew I hated her, and vice versa. But eventually we liked each other because we hated each other. Get it? I don't.]

11. I have a photographic memory. So I can tell you what happened the first time we met, what we talked about, how long we talked etc.....but damned if I can remember what you were wearing or who texted first.

12. I don't like the idea of math. I just like the idea of fucking around with numbers and getting other numbers and the process makes a weird sort of sense.

13. If I study abroad, I'd major in astronomy because stars are just really really cool to me. [In actuality they're really really hot but you know what I mean.]

14. I'm 16+, right? And I'm 5'2". But when I dress up, these random guys will be like "You 25? Cuz I'm 27 and I'm feeling your vibes!" Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm bitch I'm 16....

15. Continuing the age thing. I'm 16+. I'd only date guys 18-21. When I'm 17 next Tuesday (oooh, birthday post idea!!!) It's gonna be 19-22 only. At least 2 years my senior and no more than 5.

16. I have a thing for languages. I pick them up extremely easily. Maybe it's because of the whole Spelling Bee thing 5 years ago (that people still act starstruck over like it was this morning), but I do.

17. I'd like to read the holy books of all major religions one day.

18. I make jokes out of the most serious situations. Ebola? Joke. Chicken-gunshot Chikungunya? Further jokes. Except ISIS. Them I don't fuck with at all. They might end up coming after me.

19. I think blood and gore is cool. I once considered becoming a serial killer. [If police are reading this (highly unlikely): I'm not one though.]

20. I like when it's a slight drizzle and cold as fuck, so I can lie in bed reading. I also like when it's pouring so I can go dance in it.

21. I like Benjamin Franklin because he did the stuff I've always wanted to.

22. I like just randomly staring at people, because it unnerves them. Why? I read once that Scorpios have a piercing stare and I wanted to see if it was true.

23. If I meet a guy on the road, no matter how cute he is, if he asks me my name, I'm telling him Trishelle (a nuh lie). And if he asks me my number, I give them the police's.

24. I'd like to fly over Mount Everest just so I can kick snow off it.

25. I'm 15.5 years older than my younger sister. Meaning I could have had her if I were about that life.

26. I always wonder what "that life" is, and why no one is ever about it.

27. I suck at selfies.

28. I still roll around on Bubble Wrap.

29. Sometimes I want to be a kid forever, and then other times I can't wait to grow up.

30. I swear like a sailor. I've tried to stop and failed. Multiple times.


The end.

I've sat here for almost 45 minutes. I don't know if these facts are "interesting" but there are 30 of them, and they're all facts.
Toodles.

@Jaye_Eccentriq

01: Introduction and recent photo

The recent photo thing nah go work enuh. I prefer being behind the camera than being in front of it.
But here goes.

My name is Shari-Jo Miller. (I really didn't want to do this, but oh well.) I'm 16 years old as at this blog post.

What else....?
I'm not good at talking about myself.

Umm....

I like reading in bed on rainy afternoons. I like talking to smart people, and people like me. But then I like being alone with my thoughts more.

I like books. I mean, I really adore books. I don't care what kind of book it is. I'll read it and then complain about how the writing was jacked-up after I'm done. And I read really quickly. I finished one of my favorite books, The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky (who was born on the same day as me) in 3 hours. It was almost 1000 pages. Fine print.

Excelsior told me recently that I read "faster than fuck". That depends on how fast a fuck is, but I don't like raunchy jokes so I won't go there.

I like music. Like Eminem, classical, and Sia. Definitely Sia. I'd say why, but I did in a previous post.

I like beauty and art as well. They're what make the world....well....beautiful. I don't like pretty stuff. Pretty is fake. Beautiful isn't.

And I like chocolate. Regardless of the fact that it makes pimples sprout on my face faster than I read. It tastes damn good.

Aaaaaaand I guess that's it.
As I said, I suck at talking about myself.

Talking about my fears is a whole challenge in itself. And were I to start talking about what I don't like, I'd be late for my Comm Studies test that I have in a few minutes that I have yet to study for.

Oh. Someone asked me recently why I named this blog "thewaywardgenius".
Because I've a 160 IQ, which apparently makes me a genius (although I dunno about that. I trod that fine line between genius and insanity) and, instead of following the path my forbears have trod and learning from their mistakes, I make my own. Deliberately.

That's why. Well..that, and "rebelliousgenius" sounded too mainstream.

Yes, this post is so disorganized. But I am.
Toodle-oo.

@Jaye_Eccentriq

Surfing the net, reading another blog and this happened.

Now, I'm shitty when it comes to consistent writing. But I like challenges, and I've always wanted the motivation to write more. Currently there are (this makes it) 31 posts on this blog. I'd like to make it more before 2015 comes in and my life starts spinning in circles so fast that I get dizzy.

The 30-day Blog Challenge.

Admittedly, some of these are stupid. I mean, how can I make a sensible blog post about what's in my handbag? I don't even own a handbag. Those I wear are my mother's. But anyway. I'll be a good person and complete this challenge.

I might not do it for 30 days straight. I might not even do them in order.  But, I guess it's the fact that there'll be 30 more blog posts by the time I've done this challenge.

Wish me luck.

@Jaye_Eccentriq

Even though I'm all barely repressed emotions, I still

like to pretend I'm not.

So I like songs that talk about inner strength, or being unbreakable, or rising above it all.
Like Elastic Heart, Titanium Pills N Potions...those sorts of songs.

I think I think (read it properly) that if I delude myself well enough that I'm bulletproof, titanium, all of that (BTW big up YouTube for the links. Y'all the illest.)

Fire away, fire away.
I dare not say that to those who hurt me, or those who wish to. Because they will fire away, but...the bullets won't ricochet. They'll sink in, piercing my fragile skin, flagellating it. And I fear pain.

I am not titanium.
I'm human. Regardless of how I wish it otherwise, I feel just as everyone else does. I just do a better job (ha. Bullshit.) of hiding it.

You did not break me. I'm still fighting for me. I've got thick skin and an elastic heart....but your blade, it might be too sharp...

Stone heart loves bulletproof glass.

My "titanium heart" is glass. Not even Pyrex. Crystal. Knock it too hard and I'm gone.

Nothing to lose, but don't fire away. Please.

Now let's be clear, I trust no one.
Except the trusted few. Excelsior, the rest...

The point of this post?
I lie to myself in the hopes that one day I'll be telling the truth.

Albert Einstein once said, "Insanity is doing the same things repeatedly while expecting different results each time."

Take from that what you may.

Not melancholy, but I'm on my way

@Jaye_Eccentriq

Excelsior asked me a few minutes ago, "Would anything change if

people didn't think you have it together?"

I'm going to assume that "anything" he's talking about is my image of myself and my world.

Maybe. Maybe not.

Maybe I'd be worse. The whole "sticks and stones may break my bones" thing doesn't apply to me. Maybe I'd sink deeper into a quagmire of depression, deeper and deeper until I don't recognize myself when I look in the mirror.

Sometimes, even now, it's hard to do.

And maybe I'd be better. The whole "well, they know, so it makes no sense to pretend" thing also applies to me. So many things do, desirable and undesirable.
Maybe I'd actually say to myself, "They think I don't have my shit together? Well I'll show them," and actually get it together.

But...since this is a hypothetical question and I have a minor headache, I think I'll save this for tonight when I can't sleep. I'll overthink it better then.

@Jaye_Eccentriq