I may talk to loads of people, but the truth is

I don't really have many friends. I was confronted yesterday by two such, because I'm apparently "spiraling out of control". (Let's not go into that right now.) And they said, "You can talk to us. anytime, anywhere, we are here for you."

I was struck immediately by how few people I've had say that to me. And then how few people really mean that.

But why do I have only...let's see... four (or so) real friends at the moment?

I think it boils down to being "once bitten, twice shy". I have spoken to friends about what's going on in my life and it's backfired. Hard.
do you really expect me to open up after that? I still hurt. After *stops to count* 4 years, I still hurt. Badly. And then I see  this.That doesn't magically massage my bruised and broken emotions though, but I'm trying. (Me, the rambler, off on a tangent. As usual.)

So maybe I am spiraling out of control. Whatever. I don't think I am buuuuuuut let's not go there either.

The fact is, regardless of how I feel, those days when I'm just like "I have approximately zero friends!" there is someone-- technically four or so really but let's not quibble over trivialities-- who will slap me upside the head and say "Bitch what the fuck am I, a tree?" 

The funniest part of it is that there're like 2 girls (who I don't consider girls really cuz they aint feminine at all) and then the guys who I've known for like 3 years but still can't friendzone. In fact, I think I'm starting to get a crush on one such.

OK I'm gone before I spill what I'm not supposed to and get my ass in trouble.

@Jaye_Eccentriq