Full Circle

"Now I ain't much of a poet but I know somebody once told me to seize the moment, and don't squander it, 'cause you never know when it all could be over tomorrow so I keep conjuring. Sometimes I wonder where these thoughts spawn from. Yeah, wondering will do you wonders, no wonder you're losing your mind, the way it wanders. I think my mind wandered on and ended up down yonder and ran into Jeff Van Vonderen. 'Cause I need an interventionist to intervene between me and this monster, and save me from myself and all this conflict, 'cause the very thing that I love's killing me and I can't conquer it. My OCD's conking me in the head, keep knocking, nobody's home... I'm sleepwalking. I'm just relaying what the voice in my head's saying. Don't shoot the messenger..." 

"The Monster", Eminem ft. Rihanna

I try not to fall. I resort to the controlled stagger of a drunkard, planting my feet before I place any weight on them. I try to stay upright on my own, because I have no support. They all see me as that strong girl, the one who laughs in the face of weakness and weaklings. They don't know my true struggle. They don't know that I laugh in the face of weakness because I'm terrified to face my own.

But you have an inkling. I let you understand part of me because I thought, of everyone in my world, you were the most trustworthy. I thought I could let you in, lean on you, gain strength from you. But I seem to have been wrong.

Oh, good God damn it all, I was wrong.

That one half-second of vulnerability I let you see, that one time I let you see me cry, was enough for you. You used it against me. You forced me down and held me there in an iron grip. With your foot on my spine, I felt myself slowly becoming part of the void. I felt the darkness closing in slowly, enveloping me in its cold, fierce embrace. I thought you had won. I felt you reveling in your inevitable victory.

But then, in the midst of my darkness, there shone a pinprick of light.

Enough to send you back to the darkest depths of hell whence you came. Enough to get me back on my feet, dry my tears, heal my wounds...physical and otherwise.

Now I'm back on my million-mile trod.

I try not to fall. I resort to the controlled stagger of a drunkard, planting my feet before I place any weight on them. I try to stay upright on my own, because I have no support. They all see me as that strong girl, the one who laughs in the face of weakness and weaklings. They don't know my true struggle. They don't know that I laugh in the face of weakness because I'm terrified to face my own...

I come full circle.

"It's payback...falling way back in the draft; turn nothing into something, still can make that straw into gold. Chump I will spin Rumpelstilitskin in a haystack. Maybe I need a straitjacket, face facts, I am nuts for real but I'm ok with that. It's nothing..."

"The Monster", Eminem ft. Rihanna

@Jaye_Eccentriq

16 years