Sorry for not writing before but a girl got business to take care of plus it's exam season now so you understand....don't you?
It's now exam season. Again. Which means that all my friends in upper sixth shall be off to that great exciting unknown called college. And I'll still be here with my memories of them and things said and unsaid. Things I wish I had said.
It may not be obvious, given that I'm prone to rambling, but I find it extremely hard to say things that matter. So if I hurt you, I'll beat around the bush, and rationalize, and avoid. I can't say I'm sorry. Even harder for me to say that dreaded L word.
Even when I do mean it with every fiber of my being.
No I am not talking about Iceburg. That's something I need a week or four to contemplate. I'm talking about people like Excelsior.
Excelsior....this one is yours.
I met him when I started 6th form at Chesta.
And I hated him. Hated his guts. My first impression? "Jesus ee nuff sah!" The guy came up to a friend and me one lunchtime and was introducing himself and expressing his good wishes for our lower sixth year. (Incidentally, he and my friend's elder sister are friends.)
We both disliked him. I mean, come on. Who wouldn't dislike this male they dunno from Adam who just randomly comes up and starts talking?
Fast-forward a couple of days. We saw each other around the school and it progressed from "Hey, what's your name?" to "What subjects do you do?" and eventually us realizing that we had Carib class together and consequently sitting next to each other at the....wait for it....
back of the class.
Whenever I skipped class and hung out on the gazebo, he was always there. First came the days when he'd be like "Shari yuh need fi gah class enuh" and then those days when he just said "Shari....ah fuck it yah man"
All this time I didn't trust him as far as I could push him, which isn't very far. He always saw me in my depressed states and asked what was wrong. He understood what I meant when I shook my head silently without looking at him. He understood I meant "Leave me alone. I don't wish to talk about it." And he did as I requested. He left me alone until I came around.
My nickname, after he found out I was 15 at the time, was "Jailbait". We eventually let the rest of our friends in on it because that was one in-joke that killed us every time. "Jailbait."
My private nickname for him is "Drama King" but let's not go there... and I'm rambling. Dammit.
On my 16th birthday (I celebrated it at school, in
Carib class for heaven's sake) he officially rechristened me as "The Girl Formerly Known as 'Jailbait'".
Yes. Et cetera, et cetera. Or, as Iceburg would say, "And some other shit."
Now? I can't imagine Chesta without him. Who am I gonna idle with now? Who am I gonna be inseparable from? Who's gonna listen to me and give me good advice that I don't wanna hear?
Who's going to be the best friend I've ever had in a school setting?
And I'll bet he'll have some smartass response for that.
But the purpose of this rambling was just to say I do love the boy/man. I really do.
Remember how I said earlier that I'd hated him the very first time I met him? I never learn. It's always those people who end up meaning the most to me.
But I'll miss him. And the thought of going through another year of stress and problems without him to destress and kick back with...frankly, it's making me shed a hella lot of tears. And that, for those of you who don't know me, is something I rarely, if ever do.
Anyway, Excelsior.....good luck. Keep writing.
Not used to expressing feelings like this but I'm sure he understands,
@Jaye_Eccentriq
