04: Your views on drugs and alcohol

I made abstract reference to this in my last post, I believe, but let me just quantify my views and beliefs on this.

Drugs are......necessary in some cases. You have your antidepressants, your cold medicine, your sleeping pills.....

I guess what I want to say is that drugs are an important aspect of life.  They "happify" you, put you to bed, wake you up....pretty much do everything for you that you probably can't do yourself.

But as is usually the case, too much of a good thing is bad. So here we have the flip side of the coin, where you have addiction, which leads to crime, which leads to general fuck-up-tion of your lfe.

The same thing goes for alcohol. Although to me it's better than drugs.
It warms you when you're cold, cools you when your hot, happifies you when you're sad....
Basically no downsides to this. Except hangovers, of course, and those are preventable.

But excess. There's where the problems start.

Everyone says drugs are bad, alcohol is bad, this is bad, that is bad.... No.
Nothing is bad in moderation (except evil, which is a relative concept but.....)
Excess is bad.

So I think, you can take your drugs, drink your liquor, enjoy yourself because #YOLO
Just don't, like......go OTT with it OK?

Disclaimer: Just because I don't mind taking drugs or drinking, doesn't mean I do either. I know how close I am to the abyss, therefore I avoid both like how doctors avoid contact with people who have Ebola.

Anyway.
Oh, that #YOLO I believe in? You only live once. But don't act like a dumbass. #YOLOBDALAD

Challenge completed,

-me.

PS: If there are any mistakes, I apologize, but I really couldn't bother editing anything at the moment because my fingers are cold. Thanks for your understanding :)

I've never done a line of coke, or gone to a rave and shot up some meth or LSD,

and I never will, because addiction to that sort of thing is a recipe for fucking your life up.

But I've been thinking about why I am the way I am, and I've come to the conclusion that it's because of many past experiences that now sum up with the fact that I've never really reacted to them, just forced them down below my subconscious and attempted to forget them.

I succeeded for the most part, except I didn't forget. So now all those memories are coming back to haunt me. Awake or asleep, I have flashbacks, and they're starting to scare me. Because I think I may finally be going fully batshit cray-cray.

I remember everything. Every single thing.

The being beaten until my skin turned purple and my blood flowed.
The being beaten with any object at hand: plastic skipping rope, leather belt, makka stick (thorn bush to you foreign-minded ones), knife, lead pencil....or when there was nothing, the heavy hand.
 On my back, legs, hands, anywhere, like I was some fucking slave.
The being beaten for almost any reason, like taking candy from my best friend in 3rd grade, or chasing my housemate down for my favorite ruler when I was 5, or reading and watching TV simultaneously, or not being able to cut my chicken properly when I was 8, or not being able to make my bed (with a comforter that to this day probably weighs more than I do) properly.
The psychological torture when I heard to "Go fi di belt mek I show yuh sumting in yah tidday" and I knew the specific belt I was being sent for, the one leather belt that knew my body much better than I did.
The being told, when I was bawling living eyewater, to shut the fuck up because I had nothing to be crying about.
All the "days after", when I couldn't sit, or my hands were numb, or my ears were still ringing.
When I couldn't look at myself in the mirror for weeks because my self-confidence was ruined.

You think I want to remember? Fuck no, I don't! But I have to, because memory is a bitch and I still have to wake up, every day, and say good morning to the person who did this to me.

I don't pop pills like my friends pop Trident gum. I don't inject, snort, puff (anymore), inhale, I try my damnedest not to drink. I don't dope, period.

Although it's tempting to have just one drink or hit just one blunt. But I find that it's harder for me to stop something than to start it. Habits are easy to make, but the breaking thereof......not so much.

Therefore, I am stuck with these feelings of anger, hate and regret.
I'm angry because I had to go through this, when no child, no one, should have to. I had to go through it for most of my life, since I was 3 or to 4 until I was 11.
I think I may actually hate this man, though I'd rather not, but...there's years of underlying resentment there and, well..... it turns to hate if left to fester long enough.
I regret not speaking up sooner. If I had then...maybe I would be able to forget.

And my feels aren't broken at all? Damn, I must be stronger than I think.

They say that the potential for abuse of any kind is hereditary. With that in mind, I don't think I can ever have kids. Because I see aspects of him in me. Which is....not good.

So to all y'all who been wondering why SJ's the way she is, complete with horrible self-esteem, mental unstability, trust issues the size of a blue whale and a strange kinship with Eminem and Sia.....this is why.

Yours in fucked-upness,

-me.

So as I write this, it's raining,

and I am listening to Adele and Sia.
Best recipe for feels I have come across in a while.

I dunno, I just like these two women and their music. I mean, Sia creates music that can make my heart palpitate and the tears that are never really very far away just swim to the surface. Have you listened to Elastic Heart?

Now I'm listening to Sia and Flo Rida in Wild Ones.
I think I might be one of those Wild Ones, somewhere below all my layers of introvertedness. Yeah if you catch me with my batteries fully charged-- and by that I mean charged at 1000%, which I'm sure you never will-- I display a level of....wildness.

Not the bad type that my mother thinks I'm going to display when I get to college, being all promiscuous and druggified, nah.

My brand of wild has to do with me just....letting go of all these feelings that I have that I don't have a clue what to do with and actually making some form of effort to be happy.
For me, it's harder than you might think.

So Wild Ones done, and YouTube saw fit to show me She-Wolf. YouTube.....stop it nuh.....
I'm falling to pieces...

No. Try fallen.

I think it's time I get myself to understand that I am well and truly, irrevocably, completely and utterly freaking broken. Shattered. Pop up. Pop dung.

You know, I thought I'd gotten over the part of my life where I was just always sad or sometimes angry and was on my way to learning to be some type of happy.
I haven't. I'm still smack-dab in the midst of it.

Can I hurry up and get past this teenage state of life where my mind is more confused than a wolf in sheep's clothing must be? Please?

I'm not in the mood for these damn feelings right now. I'm talking to le bestie and I want to be happy for that.

So lemme put on this one that a certain smartguy introduced me to. It's called To the rescue by Prince Zimboo (this title is soooo relevant to me right now) and it's just funny as fuck.

I'm out for now.

@Jaye_Eccentriq

PS: I haven't written a poem in so long it's not funny. I wonder if I still can....

So there's this guy who, for reasons we both know,

is my best friend.No, we haven't known each other all our lives, and no, we've not spent all our waking moments together.

I've known him for about three years. Met him through a mutual friend (who, in the 9 years I've known him, isn't all that close to me), and we exchanged numbers, and began that million-mile trod down the road called friendship.

A few....weeks I think it was, afterwards, there was an Incident involving him, my "dad" and a shit storm of misunderstandings and overreactions.

I was toe-curlingly, fist-clenchingly, blush-intensifyingly
SHAME.

I mean, it was my "dad" who threatened him. Who wouldn't have been embarrassed?

About 2 months afterward, I decided to woman the fuck up and...apologize. For me, apologizing is like trying to baptize a cat: doable, but damn hard, and dangerous to the instigator of the act.
So I texted, filled full of humility and "I'm sorry's" and.....he brushed it off. Like dandruff.
"It's OK."

That was relatively fine. What had me, what took my brain out of my head and replaced it with Styrofoam and Bubble Wrap was how he laughed it off. Like literally LOL.

The rest, as they say, is history.

The funny part of this (both ha-ha and peculiar, I guess) is that our entire friendship has been cultivate via social media.
To all y'all who say social media is shit....get thee hence!

I've only ever seen him once or twice since the Incident.

But I dunno though, I feel like we became better friends since then.

A certain mandevillegirl once explained to me the cycle of friendship:

• First, you're friends because you hang out with the same crowd.
• Then somehow you start talking to each other, really talking to each other, and you realize, hey we got stuff in common!
• Then you go through shit together, and you pass through shit together and come out on the other side, relatively unscathed, although you've got bruises and scratches.......but you're still friends.
• You get angry at each other...but you're still friends.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

What's the point of this post?

Lately, I've been feeling like some things are changing, and like some things have changed. I'd like to think the friendship is evolving but...that's going to open a whole can of worms and I really can't deal with that right now.

I guess what I really want to say is....

Fuck.

I don't know what I want to say.

Maybe that he's the best friend I've ever had, and probably will ever have....or that I don't like change much, but I'm willing somehow to face these changes, because it's you, and it's me, and maybe we both need to change.

PS: I'm not friendzoning you. I'm just posting what's on my mind. 

@Jaye_Eccentriq

06: What are you afraid of?

So I was cleaning out my mental closet, wherein I store a lot of stuff. And I got to realize that most things I used to say I'm afraid of....I just hated them. So what's left in that "fear" box inside my head is some real deep shit.

Fear #1: Death
I don't know what happens after death. Regardless of what the mainstream religionists say, no one really knows for sure what happens after your soul leaves your body. and because no one knows, I cannot go gently into that good night. I may not like what I find there. Especially given my type of living in a vacuum.

Fear #2: Blindness
So I have absolutely shitty vision. I'm nearsighted and I have astigmatism. To add to that, both the ophthalmologists (well, I didn't see that little red line which means I spelled it right) I've ever been to tell me that my vision is only going to get worse.
How will I read if I can't see? (And don't be a smartass and tell me about Braille.) I know I'd end up being a bitter bitch if I go blind, because after experiencing the world in sights and colors and having all that taken away, who wouldn't?

Wow.
That's it.

I just thought of Four in the Divergent trilogy for some reason.

Challenge complete.
Toodles.

@Jaye_Eccentriq

17: Your favorite quote

So I've got sooo many favorite quotes, really, so I'm just gonna try to narrow them down to... I dunno...about 100 of them? haha kidding.
I choose to color them because I can. That and they really mean something to me. Feels are not black and white. Feels are kaleidoscopic in color.

First, we have the requisite feels quotes:

1. We're all damaged in our own way. Nobody's perfect. I think we are all somewhat screwy, every single one of us. [Johnny Depp]
2. Defeat is a state of mind. No one is ever defeated until defeat becomes a reality. [Bruce Lee]
3. To me it suffices to wonder at these secrets and attempt humbly to grasp with my mind a mere image of the lofty structure of all that there is. [Albert Einstein]
4. When writing the story of your life, don't let anyone else hold the pen. [Anonymous-- meaning I don't know who said it.]
5. If you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold on to. If you are not afraid of dying, there is nothing you cannot achieve. [Lao Tzu]
6. Maybe it's not about the happy ending. Maybe it's about the story. [Anonymous]
7. Someone asked me if I knew you, and a million memories went through my mind. Then I just smiled and said I used to. [Wiz Khalifa]
8. What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail? [Anonymous]

And then there are the funny ones:

1. That moment when the voice in your head says "Yep. You going to hell."
2. Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
3. Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it's boring.
4. I just found out that there is nothing wrong with me. It's the world that has issues.
5. I need a six-month vacation twice a year.
6. Behold, the field in which I grow my fucks. Gaze upon it and see that it is barren.
7. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude, and that is your problem.
8. So if guns kill people, I guess that means that cars drive drunk, spoons make people fat and pencils misspell words?

And finally, the random-ass quotes that just emphasize how.....not-normal-or-ok I am.

The end, motherfuckers.

Challenge completed.

@Jaye_Eccentriq

Today is my birthday, and I'm 17 years old,

and I cried. Now I'm about to make a wild guess and say that you've never seen anyone cry on their birthday. That's because you haven't seen me.

Why did I cry? Cuz them tears wasn't no tears of joy. They was my body's way of telling me, "Heyyy bitch, your feels switch is flipped."

But anyway. I stopped after a few seconds, because I hate crying....because I'm ugly uglier when I cry and I'm ugly enough already.

Google+ wished me happy birthday. My FB "friends" did. (This random girl all up on my wall like "Happy birthday Shari-Boo!" like me and her a big fren. WTF????)  My actual friends did. FB itself did.
So why then did not my mother, who had me at 5:20 am on this day in 1997 and thus is bound to remember, not wish me happy birthday? It's not like she forgot; I heard her tell my sister to come wish me happy birthday. (She didn't.)

Part two of my feels: What have I done with my life?
Answer: not much.
That burns. Deeply. In 17 years, all I seem to have done is:

• ask questions
• write stuff
• stay alive
• ask more questions
• be depressed
• ask more questions

I don't even know what the fuck I'm going to do with life. And I hate not knowing stuff.

Yes. It's my birthday. and I should be happy. So lemme try that one on for size.....

So as it happens, I was born. Whole and healthy. Thank you (whoever "you" are. I won't assume.)

I haven't been, like, majorly sick over the 1997-2014 period. Thank you

My feels aren't broken (much), which makes for a shitload of problems for me, but I can still feel so.... Thank you

That time in my life where all I wanted was to die, but was afraid to hasten the process because thanatophobia.....it's come and gone, and it shows no real signs of returning. Thank you

There's people in this world who give a fuck about my welfare, even when I don't. Thank you.

  Guys, you know yourselves. I'm grateful for every last one of you.

I've lived to be 17. Lots of kids haven't. Thank you

I close this post feeling a lot better than I did when I started it. 

Sometimes, something as simple as daring to glance at the bright side even when it hurts your eyes helps.

Happy birthday, SJ. 

Somebody bake me this cake? :)

@Jaye_Eccentriq

EDIT: Mommy emailed me. I'm OK now. :)

19: Your 10 favorite foods

Yes, before you ask, I eat food, and I like food, I just don't eat much of it these days.
I guess I'm just going to do all those "10" whatever or "5" whatever challenges first, and then get to the serious stuff.

Soooooo the relationship post is just gonna have to wait for a while. :D

Now. My 10 favorite foods. Some of them I haven't eaten in a while, and some of them I've eaten as recently as a few minutes ago. [In the lab, where food is prohibited. Hashtag Rebel Bitch!]

I'll see if I can say why they're my favorite foods, and try to get pics to post as well.

Here goes.

1. Cheesecake
    It's cheese. And, as much as I may seem the direct opposite thereof, I am a normal teenager. Therefore, I like cheesy stuff. Well. Dairy foods in general. I mean, really. It's just wonderful.

2. Chocolate

    Oh, for fuck's sake. It's Chocolate. I refuse to say "chocolate" as that implies the commonality thereof. Chocolate. Is. The. Ambrosia. Of. The. Gods. Can I say anything more about the great Chocolate? And fuck those wannabe types with things in them. Actual, good ol' CHOCOLATE. Unhealthy, you say? Like hell!

 Chocolate comes from cocoa, which comes from a tree. That makes it a plant. Ergo, chocolate counts as a vegetable. And you should always eat your veggies.

3. Fruit salad

    Yeah, it's the healthiest thing I eat. And I don't mean the soggy shit you buy in a can. I'm talking real homemade stuff. With your apples and your oranges and your grapes and stuff. It tastes really nice, and the fact that you can indulge and get hype for healthy eating makes it even nicer. :)

4. Yogurt

     Dairy stuff. Nice little things in it. Pretty. Enough said.

Oh, and let me just add that frozen yogurt is probably what Jesus has for dessert up in heaven. It's that good.

5. Bacon

    Jesus' main course. Bacon + cheese = Heaven on earth.

6. Ham

    Jesus' other main course. Ham + pineapple glaze = food orgasm. 

Yes, I am a carnivore and I'm proud of it. Leave me alone.

7. Fried chicken

    What can I say? I'm black. [Well, in terms of ethnicity.] It is a genetic fact that black people love fried fowl. And who am I to be going against the grain? I love it too.

8. Fried breadfruit
    I don't know why I like it. I just know I like it.

I also like fried things. Again, leave me alone.

9. Irish potatoes
    Not sweet potatoes. Irish potatoes. What the Americans call "spud" with love in their voices and contentment in their hearts. It's the stuff of French fries, and to us Jamaicans, good ol' Juici Patties wedges. DEM TASTE DAMN GOOD.

10. Bread

      Not wheat bread as much. White bread. The unhealthy type that helps clog your arteries and cause your heart to fail (fail what, exactly? Some test?) It goes with everything you can think of. Butter. Barbecue sauce (it tastes good. Try it.). Mayonnaise. Ketchup. Everything.

And it's supposed to be 10 foods. I don't give a fuck. I'm making it 11. This one is for me, Excelsior, and all those others who are part of the worldwide Cracker Brotherhood.

11. CRACKERS

      I need to say nothing. If you are truly a cracker lover, you'll know why crackers deserve to be the global dish.

Yes, MAN. That's you right there. :)

Surprisingly (or not, y'know, since this is a post about food), I'm hungry. But I hadn't planned to eat till I got home at 6 and it's almost 1 now...so I dunno how that's gonna work out.

Challenge complete. Toodles.

@Jaye_Eccentriq

08: What are your worst habits?

There are so many of them, but I'll try to narrow it down to about five.
Here goes.

1. I swear like a fucking sailor.
    See? It doesn't matter my mood. If I'm happy, I swear. If I'm sad, I swear. If I'm annoyed, I swear. Even when I'm silent, I'm thinking "Shut the motherfucking hell the fuck up" at everyone who tries to talk to me.

2. I read in the bathroom.
    It's one bathroom that serves me and my parents. And I hardly ever read and stop. So all those 800-page novels are going to be finished while I'm on the toilet. If my parents can't take it (which they can't)..... c'est la vie.

3. I'm OCD sometimes.
    If I pack something up, and it decides to mess itself back up just to fuck with me, I start hyperventilating and feeling like I'm going to go crazy.

4. I torture pests.
    If I'm outside and find a slug in the garden, I trap it on a piece of newspaper and surround it by salt so it can't move. Then I stab it repeatedly with a pin and imagine it begging for mercy. Then I sprinkle a very thin layer of salt on it so it melts slowly.
   I remind you now that I wanted to be a serial killer at one point. The potential is there.

5. My eating habits aren't habits at all.
    When I decide to eat, I eat junk food. And most of the time I decide not to eat at all. For the record, I'm 5'2"  and 106 pounds. I can see my ribs when I look in the mirror.
    Iceburg told me once that I'm probably anorexic, but I disagreed because I don't make myself throw up. I just pig out like once a week and then make up for it by not eating for about two weeks. I'm about to Google that.

6. My sleeping habits aren't habits at all either.
    I don't know if that's Excelsior's legacy to me or what, but I rarely ever go to sleep before 2 am. Bear in mind that I have to wake at about 6. So there are these permanent bags under my eyes. To the point where a former friend of mine nicknamed me "purple panda" and a friend of mine (introducing one of the Four, JL) was like "You know the veins on your eyelids are really defined, right?"
   But cho. Sleep is for the weak. Until sleep box my bomboclaat and then I just want to sleep for a week.


Those weren't really in order. if you want them in order, they're like this (to me):
6,5,1,2,3,4.

Challenge complete.
Toodles.

@Jaye_Eccentriq

EDIT: I couldn't seem to find what my particular brand of eating disorder is, if it's even classified as one....but apparently it's a sign of depression. Whoops...

A bit of disgustingness in the day here

So it's November. The month wherein I celebrate the anniversary of the day I emerged triumphantly from my mother's genitalia like "Bitch I did it!"

Yay, and all that.
Fanfare, excitement, whoop-de-doo.

That's not what I'm here for, though.
It's actually the first week of November, and I'm on my period.

OH.
MY.
GODS.

Yay in the sense that, in 5 or 6 years I've never had my period on my birthday. Praise God for small blessings like not having to writhe in pain and break out in cold sweat on November 11. There's that much.

But does it have to hurt so fucking much??? 
Bruh!

[Oh. This is the 'bit of disgusting talk'. If you's the squeamish type, leave.]

Disclaimer out of the way. Back to business.

So I started this cycle on Sunday. And I've noticed: every single day 1 of my periods are ALWAYS eventful. What am I talking about, you say? Read on and find out. (Unless the disclaimer refers to you, in which case, anything you get, you take.)

1. I was at my grandma's house for the weekend, which is an event in and of itself because I almost never leave my house. Even though I hate being at home, especially when I'm not alone at home.

2. Iceburg (remember him?) messaged me.....no...lie.... I messaged him. And he, like, answered. I tell you, I nearly fainted when he responded. And then we had, like, a meaningful conversation about us over the course of 2 days.
       Yes, he's my boyfriend, and yes, we have been together for almost 13 months now. But it's still an "event". Why? It hasn't happened before. [Me + him = Blog Challenge 02....that I'm avoiding for as long as I can.]

3. Fucked-up mood the Sunday night. As he put it: "This [w]hole distance/mood thing...." Yup. Now, the event in this, is that I was taken by surprise.
      Fact #31: I hate surprises. 

So yeah. There was all that to contend with, and then my period decided to come and start. From about 4:30.

Inna di rass mawnin'. 

Thank you, Iceburg, for sending me a 32-second voice note at 10 Saturday night that had me overthinking until I couldn't take it anymore and decided to get up at 4:30 am on Sunday.

I got out of bed without waking my mother (event #4 here as she's an extremely light sleeper and we were on the same bed), took my phone to the bathroom to listen to said voice note and decided, "Well, lemme just pee at the same time."

Lo and behold.
Blood on them drawers.
Now right there I was like (in my head of course, my whole family is Christian), "BLOODCLAAA--" and then I realized that that was insensitive as fuck.
  (Haha, get it? No? OK.)

  So thanks, BR. You's my nigga. [No, really. You is.] Wasn't for you, I'd have been sleeping. And then there'd have been blood on them white sheets, and lemme just say ewwwwwwwwww.

Yeah.
Would you call me Captain Obvious if I said I hate my periods?
I do, though.

I hate that little rush I feel when I've been sitting or lying down for a while and then suddenly stand up. That's some serious psychological torture right there, especially when it catches me unprepared. In class.

I hate that I have cramps. In fact, there is a post on my other blog entitled Cramps and Questions dedicated to this. [Yes, that was a link to it.]

I hate when the flow is too heavy that I get messed up. Blood is a bit difficult to remove from things. Just so you know.

I hate that when my mother sees me curled up in the fetal position, in a cold sweat, nearly bawling, all she says is "Hush. You nah dead." Woman. I KNOW. But it still fucking hurts.

I hate that my periods are 6 days long, and the first 3 days are dedicated solely to making me curse the days when I was 10 and used to say "Oh, I can't wait to have my period!" like some damn fool.

I hate that I have to have periods, period.
 Very nicely done, that one. :)

I'd like to just share with you that my Biology teacher (big up Mrs b, I lub ya) once told me that menstrual cramps are essentially heavily watered-down labor pains.

I'm getting a hysterectomy as soon as I can afford it.

@Jaye_Eccentriq

07: Write 30 interesting facts about yourself

Disclaimer: I did say I probably might not do this in order. So if you're catching feelings because you were looking forward to hearing about my relationship status and how I feel about it....tough shit. You just gotta wait some more.

30 interesting facts about myself, they said.
I can give you 30 facts about myself. I'm not so sure about the "interesting" part.
Here goes.

Aaaaaand I just caught myself with my head in my hands. I really do suck and talking about myself. Let's try again.

1. One of the items on my bucket list is to lather my whole body in butter, wrap myself in cling wrap, and slither around on the floor pretending to be a slug.

2. I'm a perfectionist. If I get over being a lazy-ass procrastinator and actually decide to do shit, it will be done well. Which is why more while I don't do shit, cuz it's gonna require energy expenditure...and I don't have much energy to expend anyway.

3. I like the idea of upside-down. So I eat bread from the ugly bottom part up to the crust, sleep upside-down on my bed, and slide out of bed onto my head and then flip over onto my stomach on the floor.

4. I'm actually really quiet, but on a great day you'll hear me before you see me.

5. If books could talk, I'd never even try to make any more human friends, and I'd never maintain the friendships I do have.

6. I'm kind of a misogynist, which is why I have mostly male friends (hey Excelsior, hey Jav). Except when it's period time (like now) when I say "Fuck men, all they gotta worry about is boners and we women gotta writhe in pain on a monthly basis!"

7. But I'm also kind of a feminist, meaning that I don't believe women should have to rely on men. Hashtag self-sufficiency, bitch.
[Funnily enough, my backup plan in case I fuck up academically is to find a rich man to marry. Hypocrite much?]

8. You know how some people think in sound, and others in pictures? I think in terms of both. So my thoughts have faces and sounds. [Except when my mother is nagging me and there's just the big ole dutty SHUT THE FUCK UP in my head. No disrespect if you ever see this, Mother.]

9. I've always wondered what blind people see. Like, do they see all white or all black? I'd ask one, but I don't know any, and it might come off as being insensitive.

10. I'm really straightforward. So if I don't like you, I'll let you know, not by actions, but by "Ayo I don't like you." [Quick anecdote: when I was in 5th form, there was a girl whose seat I sat in for Spanish class. We hated each other's guts. I knew she knew I hated her, and vice versa. But eventually we liked each other because we hated each other. Get it? I don't.]

11. I have a photographic memory. So I can tell you what happened the first time we met, what we talked about, how long we talked etc.....but damned if I can remember what you were wearing or who texted first.

12. I don't like the idea of math. I just like the idea of fucking around with numbers and getting other numbers and the process makes a weird sort of sense.

13. If I study abroad, I'd major in astronomy because stars are just really really cool to me. [In actuality they're really really hot but you know what I mean.]

14. I'm 16+, right? And I'm 5'2". But when I dress up, these random guys will be like "You 25? Cuz I'm 27 and I'm feeling your vibes!" Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm bitch I'm 16....

15. Continuing the age thing. I'm 16+. I'd only date guys 18-21. When I'm 17 next Tuesday (oooh, birthday post idea!!!) It's gonna be 19-22 only. At least 2 years my senior and no more than 5.

16. I have a thing for languages. I pick them up extremely easily. Maybe it's because of the whole Spelling Bee thing 5 years ago (that people still act starstruck over like it was this morning), but I do.

17. I'd like to read the holy books of all major religions one day.

18. I make jokes out of the most serious situations. Ebola? Joke. Chicken-gunshot Chikungunya? Further jokes. Except ISIS. Them I don't fuck with at all. They might end up coming after me.

19. I think blood and gore is cool. I once considered becoming a serial killer. [If police are reading this (highly unlikely): I'm not one though.]

20. I like when it's a slight drizzle and cold as fuck, so I can lie in bed reading. I also like when it's pouring so I can go dance in it.

21. I like Benjamin Franklin because he did the stuff I've always wanted to.

22. I like just randomly staring at people, because it unnerves them. Why? I read once that Scorpios have a piercing stare and I wanted to see if it was true.

23. If I meet a guy on the road, no matter how cute he is, if he asks me my name, I'm telling him Trishelle (a nuh lie). And if he asks me my number, I give them the police's.

24. I'd like to fly over Mount Everest just so I can kick snow off it.

25. I'm 15.5 years older than my younger sister. Meaning I could have had her if I were about that life.

26. I always wonder what "that life" is, and why no one is ever about it.

27. I suck at selfies.

28. I still roll around on Bubble Wrap.

29. Sometimes I want to be a kid forever, and then other times I can't wait to grow up.

30. I swear like a sailor. I've tried to stop and failed. Multiple times.


The end.

I've sat here for almost 45 minutes. I don't know if these facts are "interesting" but there are 30 of them, and they're all facts.
Toodles.

@Jaye_Eccentriq