You know those days when all you want is

for the day to be over?

(Who am I kidding, of course you do.)

That's how I feel about this whole aspect of my life.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this post, other than to say it's hard being a teenage girl.

Where am I going?
I don't know.
I just want to get there.

I'm not a patient person, and to be made to wait to see what will become of me is, to the most irrational part of me, unfair. 

Sometimes I wish I could just fast-forward time to when I'll be happy and at peace after accomplishing all I ever wanted to.

And then other times I want to rewind time to when I had no worries, no responsibilities other than being healthy.

Like now? I'm unhealthy as hell (had gastro a few days ago), my mental state isn't the brightest, and I struggle with so many things I'm beginning to feel like Atlas with the weight of the sky on his shoulders. Only, I hold the weight of the sky in my hands. I've not accomplished much to be honest.

People who think they know me might say to others, "Look at her. You see her? That's a girl with all her shit together."

People who do know me know I don't. I'm a scatterbrain on my best days.
Look at me. I mean really look, and you'll see. These days, I wear a Nicki Minaj smile and host Marilyn Monroe's messed-upness behind it.

I have never, ever, ever had my shit together. And the truth is, I probably never will. That's the sad truth.

@Jaye_Eccentriq