Broken Vows

No, it's not what you think it is. I'm not going to air any dirty laundry of mine on this blog because that's not its purpose.
Speaking of which, I have another blog I need a purpose for. Someone help??

Anyway....I made a vow to myself this morning, and that was to remain silent for the entire day. That was, what.... what time did I wake up? About 5 am. I was going really well, I thought, having gotten to school and not said a word to a soul until about 10 am. Then I got roped into talking.
Well, not exactly "roped". I volunteered for it. I jumped into the conversation like....well....I don't know. But I spoke. I laughed. I looked happy.

Now that school is over and I'm by myself (well, not anymore since a couple of my friends just walked in)....I'm just going to wallow in self-pissedness....no, I can't, because one of them is giving me an almighty good back rub and I have THE biggest grin on my face...

But I'm digressing.

Point is, I broke a vow I made to myself. And not just one. That was just the most recent. The last vow I made was to not skip classes anymore. Just today I skipped the first two: Physics and Chem. (Oh God, this back rub though!!!) It wasn't something I'd really planned but....once a cruff, always a cruff, they say.

That skipping classes thing has come back to bite me in the ass quite a few times. But have I learned? I thought I did, in the heat of the moment, what with my promise to myself (and my mother, and the rest of my family) that I was going to make a change.

That lasted for two weeks. Now? Now I take them like never before. I don't take as many classes, but the ones I DO take are well taken. It's shameful, really. Considering that I've morphed from a bit of a goody-goody during my first 5 years of high school to this utter bitch in the last 2....I deserve to be put over the knee and flogged. (Don't let me family see this; they might just take me up on that.)

But anyway...I'm going to try to change. AGAIN. This time I hope it'll stay permanent, because I have CAPE in a few months, modular exams in a few weeks, and the way I'm carrying on I'm going to fail so bad and bring embarrassment down on myself and my family, which is equivalent to suicide for me...

These are the reasons I don't make New Years' Resolutions. I CAN'T KEEP THEM.

In the meantime, as I check my watch and realize I should be at my mother's right now instead of blogging via such yute's laptop, I will make an honest attempt to keep these and other vows of mine.

Making an honest girl of myself (AGAIN),

@Jaye_Eccentriq

16 years