So there's this guy who, for reasons we both know,

is my best friend.No, we haven't known each other all our lives, and no, we've not spent all our waking moments together.

I've known him for about three years. Met him through a mutual friend (who, in the 9 years I've known him, isn't all that close to me), and we exchanged numbers, and began that million-mile trod down the road called friendship.

A few....weeks I think it was, afterwards, there was an Incident involving him, my "dad" and a shit storm of misunderstandings and overreactions.

I was toe-curlingly, fist-clenchingly, blush-intensifyingly
SHAME.

I mean, it was my "dad" who threatened him. Who wouldn't have been embarrassed?

About 2 months afterward, I decided to woman the fuck up and...apologize. For me, apologizing is like trying to baptize a cat: doable, but damn hard, and dangerous to the instigator of the act.
So I texted, filled full of humility and "I'm sorry's" and.....he brushed it off. Like dandruff.
"It's OK."

That was relatively fine. What had me, what took my brain out of my head and replaced it with Styrofoam and Bubble Wrap was how he laughed it off. Like literally LOL.

The rest, as they say, is history.

The funny part of this (both ha-ha and peculiar, I guess) is that our entire friendship has been cultivate via social media.
To all y'all who say social media is shit....get thee hence!

I've only ever seen him once or twice since the Incident.

But I dunno though, I feel like we became better friends since then.

A certain mandevillegirl once explained to me the cycle of friendship:

• First, you're friends because you hang out with the same crowd.
• Then somehow you start talking to each other, really talking to each other, and you realize, hey we got stuff in common!
• Then you go through shit together, and you pass through shit together and come out on the other side, relatively unscathed, although you've got bruises and scratches.......but you're still friends.
• You get angry at each other...but you're still friends.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

What's the point of this post?

Lately, I've been feeling like some things are changing, and like some things have changed. I'd like to think the friendship is evolving but...that's going to open a whole can of worms and I really can't deal with that right now.

I guess what I really want to say is....

Fuck.

I don't know what I want to say.

Maybe that he's the best friend I've ever had, and probably will ever have....or that I don't like change much, but I'm willing somehow to face these changes, because it's you, and it's me, and maybe we both need to change.

PS: I'm not friendzoning you. I'm just posting what's on my mind. 

@Jaye_Eccentriq