A bit of disgustingness in the day here

So it's November. The month wherein I celebrate the anniversary of the day I emerged triumphantly from my mother's genitalia like "Bitch I did it!"

Yay, and all that.
Fanfare, excitement, whoop-de-doo.

That's not what I'm here for, though.
It's actually the first week of November, and I'm on my period.

OH.
MY.
GODS.

Yay in the sense that, in 5 or 6 years I've never had my period on my birthday. Praise God for small blessings like not having to writhe in pain and break out in cold sweat on November 11. There's that much.

But does it have to hurt so fucking much??? 
Bruh!

[Oh. This is the 'bit of disgusting talk'. If you's the squeamish type, leave.]

Disclaimer out of the way. Back to business.

So I started this cycle on Sunday. And I've noticed: every single day 1 of my periods are ALWAYS eventful. What am I talking about, you say? Read on and find out. (Unless the disclaimer refers to you, in which case, anything you get, you take.)

1. I was at my grandma's house for the weekend, which is an event in and of itself because I almost never leave my house. Even though I hate being at home, especially when I'm not alone at home.

2. Iceburg (remember him?) messaged me.....no...lie.... I messaged him. And he, like, answered. I tell you, I nearly fainted when he responded. And then we had, like, a meaningful conversation about us over the course of 2 days.
       Yes, he's my boyfriend, and yes, we have been together for almost 13 months now. But it's still an "event". Why? It hasn't happened before. [Me + him = Blog Challenge 02....that I'm avoiding for as long as I can.]

3. Fucked-up mood the Sunday night. As he put it: "This [w]hole distance/mood thing...." Yup. Now, the event in this, is that I was taken by surprise.
      Fact #31: I hate surprises. 

So yeah. There was all that to contend with, and then my period decided to come and start. From about 4:30.

Inna di rass mawnin'. 

Thank you, Iceburg, for sending me a 32-second voice note at 10 Saturday night that had me overthinking until I couldn't take it anymore and decided to get up at 4:30 am on Sunday.

I got out of bed without waking my mother (event #4 here as she's an extremely light sleeper and we were on the same bed), took my phone to the bathroom to listen to said voice note and decided, "Well, lemme just pee at the same time."

Lo and behold.
Blood on them drawers.
Now right there I was like (in my head of course, my whole family is Christian), "BLOODCLAAA--" and then I realized that that was insensitive as fuck.
  (Haha, get it? No? OK.)

  So thanks, BR. You's my nigga. [No, really. You is.] Wasn't for you, I'd have been sleeping. And then there'd have been blood on them white sheets, and lemme just say ewwwwwwwwww.

Yeah.
Would you call me Captain Obvious if I said I hate my periods?
I do, though.

I hate that little rush I feel when I've been sitting or lying down for a while and then suddenly stand up. That's some serious psychological torture right there, especially when it catches me unprepared. In class.

I hate that I have cramps. In fact, there is a post on my other blog entitled Cramps and Questions dedicated to this. [Yes, that was a link to it.]

I hate when the flow is too heavy that I get messed up. Blood is a bit difficult to remove from things. Just so you know.

I hate that when my mother sees me curled up in the fetal position, in a cold sweat, nearly bawling, all she says is "Hush. You nah dead." Woman. I KNOW. But it still fucking hurts.

I hate that my periods are 6 days long, and the first 3 days are dedicated solely to making me curse the days when I was 10 and used to say "Oh, I can't wait to have my period!" like some damn fool.

I hate that I have to have periods, period.
 Very nicely done, that one. :)

I'd like to just share with you that my Biology teacher (big up Mrs b, I lub ya) once told me that menstrual cramps are essentially heavily watered-down labor pains.

I'm getting a hysterectomy as soon as I can afford it.

@Jaye_Eccentriq